Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one
to your neighbour.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives
it to your neighbour.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbour has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who
tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and
give it to your neighbour. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and
provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells
you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of
sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes
you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign
country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a
bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes
them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then
pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force
the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because
you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and
market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die.
Pass the shepherd’s pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where
they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn
you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting
cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a
partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and
the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people
milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and
arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They
open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie
rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who
needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is
kinda cute.
********************
An essay on cow There are no typos in this essay.
Everything was written in the exam.
If you develop cramps reading this or find your English gone haywire after reading this, please don’t blame me. I bet you will enjoy this.
This is the essay on "COW" which was (supposedly) written by some student in the course of completing the "Indian Civil Services Examination"
The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quarupud, and because he is female, he give us milk, but will do so when is got child. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.
His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.
His motion is slow and only because he is of asitudinious species. Also his other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.
His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is got a child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.
He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away flies which alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking on the ground and he shouts like his relatives, the horse does not do so.
"This is the cow."
vocabulary:
quarupud=four legged
ghee=purified (clear)butter
why(probably a spelling mistake)=whey
watermans(=waterman)=watermen brought water from a well filled in the dried skin bag made from a cow or a buffalo.
(Now you know why they want to scrap C-SAT)
***********************
"You college men seem to take life pretty easy."
"Yes; even when we graduate we do it by degrees."
******************
A quartermaster who had not enough food to feed all men in his unit suggested to issue each soldier a pencil and a sheet of paper.
"What for ?" he was asked.
"So that they will draw their rations."
***********************
What is an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?
You must have heard of ABCD = American Born Confused Desi
But how about an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?
It is: American Born Confused Desi Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey,
Keeping Lots of Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly
Reached Success Through Underhanded Vicious Ways,Xenophobic Yet Zestful
(Desi –coming from the country-India)
*******************
Chemistry Professor: "Oxygen is essential to all animal existence. There could be no life without it. It was discovered only a century ago."
Student: "What did they do before it was discovered?"
__._,_.___
( hari krishnamurthy K. HARIHARAN)"
My blog- K. Hariharan 