Category: Control anger

How anger hurts you


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How Anger Hurts You

You may remind yourself a hundred times that you shouldn’t get angry, but when the emotion comes, you are unable to control it. It comes like a thunderstorm. Emotions are much more powerful than your thoughts. What can you do when anger rises in you?
Anger is a distortion of your true nature and it doesn’t allow the self to shine forth fully. The structure of human consciousness or the mind is very similar to that of an atom. The positively charged protons and neutrons are in the center of the atom while the negatively charged particles are only on the circumference. Similarly, even in human consciousness, mind and life, all the negativities and vices are only in the periphery. Your true nature is peace and love.
Showing anger itself is not wrong, but being unaware of your anger only hurts you. Sometimes you can show anger purposefully. For example, a mother gets angry at her children and can act tough or shout at them if they put themselves in danger. There are situations that warrant showing anger, but when you get angry, have you observed what happens to you? You are shaken completely. Look at the consequences of getting angry. Are you happy with the decisions you have made or the words you have spoken in a state of anger? No, because you lose your total awareness. But if you are completely aware and are acting angry, that is fine.
Being in the Present Moment
All anger is about something which has already happened. Is it of any use getting angry about something which you cannot alter? The mind always vacillates between the past and the future. When the mind is in the past, it’s angry about something that has already happened; but anger is meaningless as we can’t alter the past. And when the mind is in the future, it’s anxious about something that may or may not happen. When the mind is in the present moment, anxiousness and anger appear so meaningless.
Spiritual practices help you maintain your centeredness and not be shaken by small events. This is where a little knowledge about yourself, your mind, your consciousness and the root of distortion in our nature helps. It is when you are exhausted and stressed that you lose your nature and get angry. Every individual is bestowed with all the virtues in the world. They simply get covered-up by lack of understanding and stress. What is needed is just to uncover the virtues that are already there.
The Secret of the Breath
Breathing techniques and meditation are very effective in calming the mind. Learning something about our breath is very important. Our breath has a great lesson to teach us, which we have forgotten. For every rhythm in the mind, there is a corresponding rhythm in the breath and for every rhythm in the breath there is a corresponding emotion. So, when you cannot handle your mind directly, you can handle it through breath. Meditation is letting go of anger from the past and the events of the past. Meditation is accepting this moment and living every moment totally with depth. Often anger comes because you do not accept the present moment. Anger comes when one seeks too much of perfection. When you are joyful, you don’t look for perfection. If you are always looking for perfection then you are not at the source of joy.
The world appears imperfect on the surface but, underneath, all is perfect. Perfection hides; imperfection shows off. The wise will not remain merely on the surface but will probe into the depth. Things are not blurred; your vision is blurred. Infinite actions prevail in the wholeness of consciousness, and yet the consciousness remains perfect, untouched. Realise this now and be natural.

Countesy à Jain Thomas Pala     


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Manage Your Temper


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Every time you lose your cool, you lose control and at times the cost could be quite high. So learn to manage your temper.

As a little kid growing up on a sheep farm near Christchurch, New Zealand, R>Marti n was a bright, hardworking boy, prone to losing his temper and getting
angry. He would end up saying harsh words to his friends and family without often realising the impact of his angry outbursts.

Intent on mending his son’s ways, Martin’s dad decided on a plan. He gave his son a sack of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he
must hammer a nail into the wooden fence at the back of their farm. The son agreed. The first day, he hammered 35 nails into the fence. As the days
passed, the number of nails hammered into the fence gradually decreased. It was quite a task going all the way to the back of the farm and hammering a
nail. Young Martin figured it was easier to just control his temper, and not get angry.

And then, one day, he did not lose his cool at all. A day of no nails! Delighted, he told his father about it. And the father said that for every
day that Martin did not lose his temper, he should pull out a nail from the fence. Martin did as told, and some months later, all the nails in the fence
had been removed. Martin was pleased. And so was his dad.
The father led young Martin to the back of the farm and pointing to the wooden fence he said “You have done well, my son and I am proud of you. But
notice the holes left behind by the nails? They will never go away. The fence will never be the same again. It’s like that with our anger too. When
we are angry, we say things that leave a scar. And no amount of apologizing thereafter can ever remove those scars. Remember that!”

It’s a lesson Martin has remembered all his life. And it’s a lesson we would all do well to take to heart too. Keep your cool. Don’t lose your temper.
And you will see a significant improvement in your relationships. People will like you more, they will respect you a lot more – and you will find
that hardly anybody gets angry with you. If you find yourself losing your cool often, maybe you should set yourself a punishment equivalent to
hammering nails on the fence. Like Martin, you too might then find yourself controlling your temper a lot better. Good to remember that you can never
really win when you get angry. You always lose -your temper, your cool and a whole lot else besides.

Saying ‘Sorry’ is like using one of those erasers on the top of a pencil. It’s easy to use, it feels like you have erased what was written, but the
marks remain on the sheet of paper forever. And in this era of instant messaging and on-the-go e-mails, it becomes even more important to watch
your words. If you are upset and want to shoot off an angry e-mail or message, hold it! Draft a mail perhaps – but leave it as a draft. Don’t hit
the ‘send’ button whilst you are angry. Tell yourself that you will take a look at it the next morning, and only then send it. Chances are, with a
cooler head the next morning, you will realise the folly of sending out the angry email. And it does not matter that you are in the right, or that you
think your anger is justified. If you lose your cool, remember, you lose.
Period.

Next time you are angry and want to say something, take a deep breath. Pause. And maybe say nothing at all.

“SHORT OR LONG, TEMPER IS BAD”


Before you blow up and say or do something you’ll regret, try some of these steps to douse the fire.

With Regards,

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