Jokes and Humour


JOKES AND HUMOUR 22

1. HOW DO YOU DENY?

An incident at Heathrow when an Indian stomped his feet on being denied entry in spite of holding a valid visa, screaming, “You stayed on in our country for over 200 years without invitation or a visa & now you deny me entry to visit my daughter?”

I really enjoyed the humour posted by Mr “BRT Rajan” brt_rajan@yahoo.com on Aug 13, 2013 

2. THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

LESSON 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’ 
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’ 

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

LESSON 2: 

A priest offered a Nun a lift. 

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown n to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. 

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ 

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 

The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ 

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ 

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. 

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

LESSON 3: 

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ 

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone.. 

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone. 

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’ 
MORAL OF THE STORY: Always let your boss have the first say.

LESSON 4 

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. 

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 

MORAL OF THE STORY: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

LESSON 5 

A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. 

MORAL OF THE STORY: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

LESSON 6 

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! 

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

MORALS OF THE STORY: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

I have added this management lessen under jokes and humours since on first hand these appear as very Laughing . But the morals told are worth thinking.I read these recently again in a posting by Sri : “Jaganathanmadhavan”jaganathanmadhavan@yahoo.com on Jul 17, 2013 Compiler – R. Gopala Krishnan, 69, retired AGM Telecom, Trivandrum dated 15-8-2013 

__._,_.___

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How to Tie Madisar Iyer Saree (www.mamamami.in)


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Sri Varalakshmi Vratam – Varalaxmi Puja – Sravana Lakshmi Puja


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BEWARE OF CREDIT CARD FRAUDS


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NEW WAY OF STEALING…
ESPECIALLY LOOK AT SCENE THREE…

Be sure to read Scene 3. Quite interesting.

This is a new one. People sure stay busy
Trying to cheat us, don’t they?

SCENE 1.
A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the
locker. After the
workout and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought
to himself,
‘Funny, I thought I locked the locker…

Hmm, ‘He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in
order.
Everything looked okay – all cards were in place…

A few weeks later his credit card bill came – a whooping bill of
$14,000!

He called the credit card company and started yelling at them,
saying that he did
not make the transactions.

Customer care personnel verified that there was no mistake in the
system and
asked if his card had been stolen…
‘No,’ he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit
card, and yep –
you guessed it – a switch had been made.

An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet.

The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.

Verdict: The credit card issuer said since he did not report the
card missing
earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them.

How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?

$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped?
Small amounts rarely trigger a ‘warning bell’ with some credit card
companies. It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to
big one!
============================

SCENE 2.
A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card.

The bill for the meal came, he signed it and the waitress folded the
receipt and
passed the credit card along.

Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket.
Funny enough,
though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it
was the expired
card of another person.

He called the waitress and she looked perplexed.

She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under
the watchful eye of the
man.

All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong
expired card to the
counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately looked down and
took out the real card.

No exchange of words — nothing! She took it and came back to the
man with an apology..
(This scenario actually happened to me at a local restaurant- Falls
Terrace-between the waitress
and the front desk cashier.)

Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours.
Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or
the card is taken
away for even a short period of time.
Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at
it, ‘assuming’
that it has to be theirs.
FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD
EACH
TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!
==========================

SCENE 3:
Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I
had called in.

I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked
directly to my checking
Account.

The young man behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then laid
it on the counter
as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure.

While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing.

I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have, but nothing
seemed out of the
ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds
when I take a picture.

He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he
was still pressing
buttons.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of,
oblivious to what was
really going on.

It then dawned on me: the only thing there was my credit card, so
now I’m paying close
attention to what he is doing..

He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open.

About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you that the
picture has been
saved.

Now I’m standing there struggling with the fact that this boy just
took a picture of my
credit card.

Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of
phone, I probably would
never have known what happened.

Needless to say, I immediately canceled that card as I was walking
out of the pizza parlour.

All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times.

Whenever you are using your credit card take caution and don’t be
careless.

Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing when you use
your card.

Be aware of phones, because many have a camera phone these days.

FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN THINK OF. LET’S GET THE
WORD
OUT! JUST BE AWARE.
Never let your card out of your sight…..check and check again!

Scary isn’t it…..

New way of STEALING… Don’t delete this one!!


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Ranjani Geethalaya(Regd.) (Registered under Societies Registration Act XXI of 1860. Regn No S/28043 of 1995) A society for promotion of traditional values through,  Music, Dance, Art , Culture, Education and Social service. REGD OFFICE A-73 Inderpuri, New Delhi-110012, INDIA Email: ranjanigeethalaya@gmail.com  web: http://ranjanigeethalaya.webs.com (M)9868369793 all donations/contributions may be sent to Ranjani Geethalaya ( Regd) A/c no 3063000100374737, Punjab National Bank, ER 14, Inder Puri, New Delhi-110012, MICR CODE 110024135  IFSC CODE PUNB00306300

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BEWARE OF CREDIT CARD FRAUDS


NEW WAY OF STEALING…
ESPECIALLY LOOK AT SCENE THREE…

Be sure to read Scene 3. Quite interesting.

This is a new one. People sure stay busy
Trying to cheat us, don’t they?

SCENE 1.
A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the
locker. After the
workout and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought
to himself,
‘Funny, I thought I locked the locker…

Hmm, ‘He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in
order.
Everything looked okay – all cards were in place…

A few weeks later his credit card bill came – a whooping bill of
$14,000!

He called the credit card company and started yelling at them,
saying that he did
not make the transactions.

Customer care personnel verified that there was no mistake in the
system and
asked if his card had been stolen…
‘No,’ he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit
card, and yep –
you guessed it – a switch had been made.

An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet.

The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.

Verdict: The credit card issuer said since he did not report the
card missing
earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them.

How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?

$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped?
Small amounts rarely trigger a ‘warning bell’ with some credit card
companies. It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to
big one!
============================

SCENE 2.
A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card.

The bill for the meal came, he signed it and the waitress folded the
receipt and
passed the credit card along.

Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket.
Funny enough,
though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it
was the expired
card of another person.

He called the waitress and she looked perplexed.

She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under
the watchful eye of the
man.

All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong
expired card to the
counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately looked down and
took out the real card.

No exchange of words — nothing! She took it and came back to the
man with an apology..
(This scenario actually happened to me at a local restaurant- Falls
Terrace-between the waitress
and the front desk cashier.)

Verdict: Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours.

Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or
the card is taken
away for even a short period of time.

Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at
it, ‘assuming’
that it has to be theirs.

FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD
EACH
TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!
==========================

SCENE 3:
Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I
had called in.

I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked
directly to my checking
Account.

The young man behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then laid
it on the counter
as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure.

While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing.

I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have, but nothing
seemed out of the
ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds
when I take a picture.

He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he
was still pressing
buttons.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of,
oblivious to what was
really going on.

It then dawned on me: the only thing there was my credit card, so
now I’m paying close
attention to what he is doing..

He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open.

About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you that the
picture has been
saved.

Now I’m standing there struggling with the fact that this boy just
took a picture of my
credit card.

Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of
phone, I probably would
never have known what happened.

Needless to say, I immediately canceled that card as I was walking
out of the pizza parlour.

All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times.

Whenever you are using your credit card take caution and don’t be
careless.

Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing when you use
your card.

Be aware of phones, because many have a camera phone these days.

FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN THINK OF. LET’S GET THE
WORD
OUT! JUST BE AWARE.
Never let your card out of your sight…..check and check again!

Scary isn’t it…..

New way of STEALING… Don’t delete this one!!

Do Not dial #09 or#90 on your mobile : very important


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” } Google+

DEAR FRIENDS:
ONE OF MY FRIENDS HAS SENT THIS INFORMATION JUST NOW.   I DO NOT 
KNOW WHETHER THIS IS TRUE OR NOT BUT LET US BE CAUTIOUS NOT TO
FALL PREY TO THIS CRIMINAL CONSPIRACY:
PLEASE CIRCULATE THIS TO YOUR FRIENDS/RELATIVES TO BE CAUTIOUS.

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Ranjani Geethalaya(Regd.) (Registered under Societies Registration Act XXI of 1860. Regn No S/28043 of 1995) A society for promotion of traditional values through,  Music, Dance, Art , Culture, Education and Social service. REGD OFFICE A-73 Inderpuri, New Delhi-110012, INDIA Email: ranjanigeethalaya@gmail.com  web: http://ranjanigeethalaya.webs.com (M)9868369793 all donations/contributions may be sent to Ranjani Geethalaya ( Regd) A/c no 3063000100374737, Punjab National Bank, ER 14, Inder Puri, New Delhi-110012, MICR CODE 110024135  IFSC CODE PUNB00306300

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