JOKES


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1.SATAN 

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was Sitting in their pews and talking. 

Suddenly,Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each Other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. 

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s Ultimate enemy was in his presence. 

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 

‘Do you know who I am?’ 

The man replied, ‘Yep, sure do.’ 

‘Aren’t you afraid of me?’ Satan asked.

‘Nope, sure ain’t.’ said the man.

‘Don’t you realize I can kill you with one
word?’ asked Satan.

‘Don’t doubt it for a minute,’ returned the old man, in an even tone. 

‘Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?’ persisted Satan.

‘Yep,’ was the calm reply. 

‘And you’re still not afraid?’ asked Satan.

‘Nope,’ said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ‘Why aren’t you afraid of me?’ 

The man calmly replied, ‘Been married to your sister for 48 years.’

I read the above humour in a posting “BALA IYER” majorbala48@yahoo.com on Jul 4, 2013 

2. ROMANCE NEVER DIES 

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, “Then you use to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going ?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!” 

I read the above in a posting by Sri n. saikrishnan (n.saikrishnan@gmail.com) On 6th July 2013 

3. MARATHON TEST

One woman to another: “Marriage should be an Olympic sport. It’s a marathon test of your strength and endurance!”

4 KEEPING WITH AGE

“In 1947, one rupee equaled one dollar; in 2000, it reached 45 days, today it is 60! Gosh, it’s almost keep up with my age!” – Kabir Bedi, on the free falling rupee.

5. PRESS BUTTON MATRIMONY…

An enterprising businessman set up a marriage bureau, which customers could access using their mobile phones. Banta rang up the number given and a recorded voice answered. “If you want to meet a suitable person to be your life partner, press one; if you have someone in mind, but, are having problems in getting engaged, press two. If you are engaged, but due to family objections, dowry demands or any reason your marriage is being help up, press three. If you have any other questions, press four.”

Banta pressed four. “What is your question?” The recorded voice asked.

“I want to get married for the second time. What do I press?”

“Your first wife’s throat!” The voice answered.

Humours ,3,4 and 5 are from Khatte Mitten posting by Krishnan Iyer on 1-7-2013

6. PURE HUMOUR

1) A wife complains, “A wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch.”

Her husband mumbled, “That clock always was slow.”

2) A man visiting a doctor says, “Doctor, I just dropped in to tell you how much I benefitted from your treatment.”

Doctor: “But you are not one of my patients.”

Man: “I know. But my uncle was, and I am his heir.”

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Ranjani Geethalaya(Regd.) (Registered under Societies Registration Act XXI of 1860. Regn No S/28043 of 1995) A society for promotion of traditional values through,  Music, Dance, Art , Culture, Education and Social service. REGD OFFICE A-73 Inderpuri, New Delhi-110012, INDIA Email: ranjanigeethalaya@gmail.com  web: http://ranjanigeethalaya.webs.com (M)9868369793 all donations/contributions may be sent to Ranjani Geethalaya ( Regd) A/c no 3063000100374737, Punjab National Bank, ER 14, Inder Puri, New Delhi-110012, MICR CODE 110024135  IFSC CODE PUNB00306300

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JOKES


1.SATAN 

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was Sitting in their pews and talking. 

Suddenly,Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each Other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. 

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s Ultimate enemy was in his presence. 

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 

‘Do you know who I am?’ 

The man replied, ‘Yep, sure do.’ 

‘Aren’t you afraid of me?’ Satan asked.

‘Nope, sure ain’t.’ said the man.

‘Don’t you realize I can kill you with one
word?’ asked Satan.

‘Don’t doubt it for a minute,’ returned the old man, in an even tone. 

‘Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?’ persisted Satan.

‘Yep,’ was the calm reply. 

‘And you’re still not afraid?’ asked Satan.

‘Nope,’ said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ‘Why aren’t you afraid of me?’ 

The man calmly replied, ‘Been married to your sister for 48 years.’

I read the above humour in a posting “BALA IYER” majorbala48@yahoo.com on Jul 4, 2013 

2. ROMANCE NEVER DIES 

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.”

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, “Then you use to bite my neck.”

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going ?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!” 

I read the above in a posting by Sri n. saikrishnan (n.saikrishnan@gmail.com) On 6th July 2013 

3. MARATHON TEST

One woman to another: “Marriage should be an Olympic sport. It’s a marathon test of your strength and endurance!”

4 KEEPING WITH AGE

“In 1947, one rupee equaled one dollar; in 2000, it reached 45 days, today it is 60! Gosh, it’s almost keep up with my age!” – Kabir Bedi, on the free falling rupee.

5. PRESS BUTTON MATRIMONY…

An enterprising businessman set up a marriage bureau, which customers could access using their mobile phones. Banta rang up the number given and a recorded voice answered. “If you want to meet a suitable person to be your life partner, press one; if you have someone in mind, but, are having problems in getting engaged, press two. If you are engaged, but due to family objections, dowry demands or any reason your marriage is being help up, press three. If you have any other questions, press four.”

Banta pressed four. “What is your question?” The recorded voice asked.

“I want to get married for the second time. What do I press?”

“Your first wife’s throat!” The voice answered.

Humours ,3,4 and 5 are from Khatte Mitten posting by Krishnan Iyer on 1-7-2013

6. PURE HUMOUR

1) A wife complains, “A wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch.”

Her husband mumbled, “That clock always was slow.”

2) A man visiting a doctor says, “Doctor, I just dropped in to tell you how much I benefitted from your treatment.”

Doctor: “But you are not one of my patients.”

Man: “I know. But my uncle was, and I am his heir.”